Welcome to heaven
by accidentalegend
Summary: Marius is faced with the loss of his best friend at the barricade, he tries to move on but his act of never letting go proves that sometimes, death isn't the final end to everything


He awoke alone, one eye opening at a time to the blinding light. The searing pain in his chest slowly subsiding as he sat up and looked around, where was he? Where was everyone?

A pulsating pain rippled through his head as he tried to remember, his memory returning in flashes, his friends...Singing and drinking...Gunshots,yelling, returning fire... Closing his eyes against the world he fought to keep hold of these memories, piecing them together bit by bit.

"_Gavroche..."_ The name dropped from his lips, barely a whisper as he remembered the proud young boy falling, dropping dead to the dirty streets...More than earning his place amongst angels.

What else? He was missing something...That's for sure... Valjean...Valjean came, his face swam in front of his vision, why was he there?

Suddenly the memories came all at once, washing over him in a tidal wave. He saw every shot, ever brother fall as clear as light.. He watched as he climbed the barricade, gunpowder in one hand, a torch in the other. Stood by as he cradled Eponine in his arms, whispering words he couldn't quite hear, and yet they echoed through his conscience. He saw the fear in his friends eyes, where were they now?

Marius didn't need an answer...Somehow he already knew, the last memory of that day encircled him, he heard the gunshot, watched as it embedded itself into him...Saw as he dropped by the side of the barricade, only just noticing the pain in the faces of his friends as they saw him fall before he tore himself away...One face didn't quite leave.

"_Courfeyrac..._" he whispered to the surrounding silence, hanging his head in shame...Why was he still here? Why did he live? Why couldn't he have gone with them?

Faintly, he could have sworn he heard singing, familiar voices rallied with pride, familiar faces swimming in front of his vision, but he pushed it aside...Not ready to face the guilt, to face the shadows in his mind.

Slowly the door opened and he fought to smile, pretending once again that everything was all right, pretending that he couldn't see glimpses of shadows out of the corner of his eye.

=/=

Time passed, hours turning into days, days turning into weeks and still Marius walked by the Cafe, always intending to walk inside, always turning away from the double doors and hurridly walking down the very streets his friends had fallen on, the very road their blood had covered, who was there to clear it up? To remove what was left of each brave young man...forced to grow up to fast, forced to die too young.

He would never admit it, not to anyone, that he still saw them wherever he went, heard their voices in his head, one voice always spoke louder than the others, often guiding him, helping him...

_Courfeyrac..._

He raised his eyes to the sky, where the sun shone down brightly on a new day, clouds drifted lazily passed, making shapes in the blue sky. A wave of warm air seemed to wash over him as a fond smile found it's way to his lips, slowly he turned back around and walked, step by step towards those double doors.

It was as if he were being pushed in that direction, as if someone else had lifted his hand and turned the doorknob, pushing him inside where suddenly...He was alone again.

His footsteps echoed through the empty room, creaking on the floorboards as he looked around, tables still set up to tend to the wounded, bandages still tossed haphazardly to the floor. Slowly he turned, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes fell on the same old table in the corner, where his friends would so often gather, spilling over maps and plans...

"_Enjolras?"_

"_Yes Combeferre?"_

"_We may need to place our extra ammunition here"_

"_If we have any"_

"_Of course"_

He turned away, shaking his head as he backed into the wall, his eyes darting across the room and resting on the bar where Grantaire so often sat, a bottle raised to his lips.

"_Grantaire are you ready?"_

"_For what?"_

"_Revolution of course!"_

"_Ready to die? To loose everything?"_

"_So you wont follow us?"_

"_Of course I'll follow you..."_

Marius gulped, reaching backwards to grasp the handle of the door, but something told him to let go, to walk into the center of the room and slowly move towards the fireplace. He dropped into one of the empty chairs. Who was it that occupied this chair before? Who will remember them? He looked up and suddenly, without warning, the memory came back, this seat, this exact one...Courfeyrac had sat here... Sat here and talked to him for hours, always smiling, always knowing what to do... It was here that he had made his promise...

"_Courfeyrac..."_

"_Yes Marius?"_

"_I just...I wanted to say...If we make it out alive.."_

"_Don't talk like that.."_

"_Let me finish...If we make it out alive...I want you to know that I love you...I want to be with you"_

"_And you will ma chérie...I will never leave you, I will stay by your side forever...I promise"_

Tears the young man hadn't even noticed filled his eyes, blurring his vision and threatening to spill onto the dark, stained mahogany of the table, in his fragile state of mind he could have sworn he felt a familiar hand on his shoulder, could have sworn he saw a familiar face reflected in the window, he tried to push it away and slowly...The vision faded, leaving the room cold and empty as Marius slipped through the doors, running as fast as he could down the street.

=/=

Time went by, Marius and Cosette's wedding was filled with unfamiliar faces, Marius insisted on having one table set aside with exactly eight chairs, nobody was allowed to sit there, and only Cosette understood. She had truly been an angel to him, helped him, saved him from himself, constantly reminded him that it wasn't his fault...That he shouldn't feel the guilt that he does.

But it wasn't the same...He loved her yes, but it was different, something was missing, she wasn't... She wasn't Courfeyrac.

=/=

Years passed, the sun set, the moon rose...Life went on, fragile and old, Marius flitted around his library, running his hand over the dusty leather bound titles, his fingers expertly danced across them. The corners of his mouth twitched into a smile as he breathed in the musty smell of the quiet room he had grown accustomed to. Hundreds of worlds of literature lay within his grasp and yet he could not quite reach out to them, he yearned for the adventure that lay between the pages where anything was possible and he could be whoever he wanted to be, where he could forget who he was, just for a moment. With a heavy sigh he plucked a particularly large black book from the shelf and sat down at the table. Try as he might he couldn't quite focus on the page that lay before him, the words swam around his head, dancing at the edge of his senses until he found he could take it no more and slammed the book shut. Not even reading, his one pleasure in life could distract him.

He looked around at the large room, from the outside it seemed that he couldn't be happier, he had a large house, money to spare, a loving wife and three well behaved children...But inside, he still tore himself apart, sure the memories had faded, the voices nothing more than whispers now. His nightmares still remained, but the details vanished, faces lost, gun shots muffled, blood blurred.

Marius had grown tired, it pained him to walk and so Cosette had kept him in his room, never once leaving his side. Now was the time he told her about the singing he heard, growing louder as the minutes ticked by. He held her wrinkled hand to his chest as his uneven breathing slowly came to a halt, he heard her last words to him, felt her tear fall against his cheek as she whispered "_Say hello to my father...to your friends"_

=/=

He awoke some time later, one eye opening at a time to the blinding light. There was no searing pain in his chest this time as slowly he sat up and looked around, where was he? He looked down at himself, his young, youthful skin smooth to touch, his brow furrowed in confusion...What was this place? Why was he restored to his youth?...To when times were so different..

Marius heard the shuffle of feet behind him and slowly stood up, turning around to see a familiar grinning face, with familiar curls and a familiar twinkle in his eye. Tears welled up in his own as he fought for words to say, but no words were needed...Instead he wrapped the other man in a tight embrace.

"_Courfeyrac..." _He whispered

"_Marius..." _Came the breathless reply.

=/=

"_I missed you.."_

"_I was never gone."_

"_But..."_

"_I promised you I would never leave you, I would stay by your side forever...Remember?"_

"_And you did.."_

"_Oui...Welcome to heaven"_

"_I love you.."_

"_I love you more."_

"_I love you most"_


End file.
